How to Discipline

17 Apr
  1.  Always yell and be sure to lose your temper.  If you aren’t yelling, they aren’t hearing.
  2. Make threats.  “I will throw away everything you own/make you sleep in the garage/you’ll flunk 3rd grade/Santa isn’t coming/we’re canceling our Disney trip we already paid for”.
  3. Spank.  Make sure to leave a hand print or it won’t be effective.
  4. Be inconsistent.
  5. Rub their noses in their potty mistakes, just like you would if you were training a puppy.
  6. Call them names/make fun of them/bully them.
  7. Explain how their consequences are so appropriate with big elaborate words for a half an hour. “When you are grown up, you’ll be so glad that your mom and dad punished you.  You need to develop a sense of self control and the best way to do that is for us to condition you using the extrinsic reward model.  BF Skinner says that operant conditioning is effective in reinforcing positive behaviors. I know you hate time outs, but it is a widely accepted practice and we only expect that you meet the release contingency…”
  8. Be overly dramatic and self centered. ‘You know your behavior is going to be the death of me/You’re always interrupting my General Hospital/You need to eat again?”.
  9. Make sure to never let them out of your sight.  Hover if need be. Don’t let them do anything for themselves, they might do it wrong.
  10. Just tell them no.  That’s what worked for my mother in law. Darned if I never thought to try that.
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