Taking Kids Shopping is Like a Triathalon….

26 Sep

except for with kids.  And instead of running, swimming, and biking, it’s Nora, Sawyer, and Griffin.

First store- Griffin- “Mom, I want yellow and gray gloves.  No, not those.  They are yellow and orange.  Let’s go to Menards to get the yellow and gray ones.”  Thankfully, that store had one of those carts with the race car kid seats, so Nora and Sawyer were amused.  Everyone got new hats and gloves.

Second store- Only has little carts.  Sawyer tried to climb into the cart himself.  He ended up on his head.  Loud crying and hyperventilating ensued.   Griffin was going to push Sawyer’s cart and I was going to push Nora’s.  But then due to the head trauma, Sawyer insisted that I push him.  But Griffin refused to push Nora.  So I attempted to push both.  Couldn’t find what we were looking for, but finally found something good enough.  After all that, got out of the store and the cashier comes running after me, “Ma’am, is this your wallet?”.  Why, yes, it is.  “Mom, why did you forget your wallet?” says Griffin?  Gee, I don’t know whatever might have distracted me….

Then we went to the grocery store.  At this point, Nora is starting to get punchy.  She’s torn her socks and shoes off in the van, so I put just her shoes back on.  Griffin- “Mom, can we get Cheetos?  Mom- look, Ramen Noodles!”  As if Ramen Noodles are some wonder to behold.  “I want cheese sticks”.  Nora is throwing her shoes off every two seconds and, since the carts here all seem to be lacking belts, attempting to catapult herself over the handle, headfirst.  Finally, I just set Nora loose.  She runs rampant.  Griffin proclaims that he has to go to the bathroom.  Wait, didn’t we just go to the bathroom at the last store?  Why, yes, yes we did.  Sawyer has to go again too.  I send both kids in, and yet only Sawyer returns in about a minute.  “Where is Griffin?”  “Poopy”  says Sawyer.  Nora is doing laps up and down the aisles squealing in delight.  I am thankful this store only has a few aisles.  The extended pooping gene must be carried on the Y chromosome.  I can never understand what takes men so long.   Nora carries on running up and down the aisles whilst I chase after her.  Sawyer decides he wants to buy dog treats and candy.  Finally, Griffin appears.  I was close to sending a search party after him.  We manage to get our items and go all while I hold a squirming Nora.

Lastly, we head into the much maligned Walmart.  We gather a few food items, then we must look at the fish.  “Mom, can we get a pet fish?”.  Good god, the last thing we need around here is one more mouth to feed and tend to.  No.  No fish.  “Hey, Miss, did you lose a shoe?”  Yup, that would be us.  We gather a few more items.  Then we go to check out.  We look at all the long lines, then head for the self- check out.  The kids insist on “helping” by scanning the items.  “Mom, where is the bar code?”  “Me do it.”  “Look out, it’s my turn.”  “No, me do it.”   It suddenly seemed as if I were surrounded by quicksand and would never emerge.  Children on all sides of me, weaving in and out.  “No, you have to scan it this way.  Put the yogurt in the bag.  No, you have to put it down before you can do the next item.  No, Sawyer, stop pushing on the bag stand.  It won’t work if you do that”.  Nora throws another shoe.

We emerge successful.  Our conquests conquered.  No shoes were lost and no children were significantly injured in the process.  I call it a win.  Who needs to work out when you have shopping trips like this?


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