My Kid is a Genius…

15 Sep

If only mess making was a skill that was highly revered and could somehow be leveraged into a high paying career, my kids would be millionaires.  Sawyer is especially gifted in this area.  The Einstein of his time.

*Side note:  Making the comment to someone with a special needs/speech impaired/developmentally delayed/whatever that Einstein didn’t speak until he was four is NOT recommended.  Someone may go all mama bear on your ass.  That was my public service for the day.  You can thank me later.

We also don’t appreciate “my cousin’s mother’s brother’s son didn’t say a word until he was three and then he started speaking in complete sentences”.  Yeah right.  It seems that everyone has this story to tell, yet I’ve never, ever met a child who this actually happened to.  Mute child suddenly says “Mother dearest, could you pour me a spot of tea?”.  I don’t think so.  And my kid has a disorder.  It’s called speech apraxia.  It means that his oral motor coordination to produce speech is messed up.  So he needs intensive speech therapy to correct this.  Telling me these stupid ass stories about non-exist suddenly speaking children does not help me or him and it pisses me the fuck off.  So god damn it, stop it already.

But I digress.  Wow, I guess I needed to get that out of my system.  Here we go, back on topic.

Perhaps he’s more similar to Newton.  He’s got all the laws covered.

Law of Universal Gravitation.  The larger an object, the largerits gravitational pull and the closer you are to an object, the stronger pull you experience.

Glue and Geotrax. Never has there been a more beautiful marriage of two random items.

Clearly you can see in this experiment that the glue ran downhill.

First Law of Motion.  An object in motion tends to stay in motion and an object at rest tends to stay at rest unless acted upon by an outside force.

Was he wondering what it would be like if snow was dry? It was all over his hair.

My vacuum cleaner was clearly calling out for use. It gets lonely in that dark closet. Perhaps it called out to Sawyer. "The vacuum made me do it mom".

The Jiffy baking mix will not leave the box unless a small hand picks it up and throws it.  And once thrown, it will not stop moving until it runs into something to stop it.  Namely the bottom of the stairs.

Second Law of Motion.  When force increases acceleration increases and when mass increases acceleration decreases.

Sawyer played in this thing more when he was 2 than Nora did when she was little.

The harder you bounce, the faster you’ll go.  And hopefully you won’t break your sister’s exersaucer.

Third Law of Motion.  For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

The Go-Gurts made a suicide pact. Actually, it was my fault. I should know better than to leave anything in the reach of Sawyer. Perhaps I should build shelving around the top of every room so there is nothing left that he can reach. Who am I kidding? The kid would find some way to get it!

Remember the Go-Gurt apocalypse?  This is the perfect example.  How hard you jump on a tube of Go-Gurt will equal the force with which the yogurt will fly out of the tube and splatter on to every.single.surface in your entire house.

He hasn’t mastered the Theory of Relativity yet, I wonder what will happen to my house if he figures that one out???  Perhaps my house would implode and disappear as if it never existed.  Actually, maybe that would be a good thing.  This place is trashed.


One Response to “My Kid is a Genius…”

  1. Kyla Manske September 24, 2011 at 4:59 pm #

    Dad and I laughed SO hard at this post! I’m “shocked” that go-gurt picture was not from the day Trey helped, but another day?!

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