I couldn’t even make this shit up….

2 Sep

Who ever thought that becoming a parent meant that you would become obsessed with poop?  Is it the right color?  Is it too runny or too solid?  I never thought I would find myself yelling, “Hey dear, come here and look at this!” in regards to a poopy diaper.  I swear, parents spend as much time talking about poop as they do food!

I fancy myself a bit of a poop expert now, as my middle child has some chronic constipation issues.  I know every food that can stop a kid up and every food that can get things moving.  Suppositories, laxatives, fiber supplements, we’ve done it all.  We’ve been in a funk of poop issues lately.  Even with an adult dose of Miralax, fiber chewies, and multiple suppositories, we still haven’t managed to, ahem, relieve the issue.  And when he does go, his way of letting me know is sticking his poopy fingers in my face and saying “POOP mom”.  Yes dear, thank you.  “Big, big, big, big, big, poop” with hand gestures and all.

And we’ve got so many nicknames for it: poop, crap, shit, number two, taking a duker, load, dump, dropping the kids off at the pool, poopsplosion.  Having so many terms for it is just an indication of how often we really talk about it.  Much more than is proper I’m sure.  Emily Post would not be impressed.

I’ve noticed that our dogs are almost as infatuated with poop as us humans are.  They go into the garbage cans in the bathroom and pulls out the poopy diapers and eat the poop.  Disgusting.  This is why I don’t like a dog’s nose in my face.

Sorry to disgust you more, but we’ve had poop on pretty much every surface humanly possible in our house.  It’s been on the couch, on the carpet, on the tile, on the wall, on the bed…. You get the picture.  I suppose it is inevitable with two dogs and three kids.  This is why I own a carpet shampooer.

We’ve had all varieties of poop around here, poop with crayon bits in it, tin foil after Easter, cardboard, newspaper, and of course the indigestible bits of food such as corn.  The latest was a brand new one for me though.  I’ve never had poop look at me before.  Seriously, that shit was looking at me.


I mean, seriously, a googly eye?  She ate a googly eye?  Sigh.

What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen?


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