Puppy Chow

17 Nov

Jana’s famous puppy chow recipe.
Voted best puppy chow by a group of three tween girls at a picnic.

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Ingredients:
1 box family sized rice chex (18 oz)
1 stick of butter (1/2 cup)
1 cup creamy peanut butter
2 cups chocolate chips
4 cups powdered sugar

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1 big ass bowl, this is a big recipe

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Melt butter and peanut butter over medium heat. Add chocolate chips and remove from heat or keep on low, stir until melted. Don’t scald the chocolate. This is really the only way to ruin the recipe, so don’t mess it up, ok?

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Pour chocolate mixture over the chex and stir to coat. Leave enough in the pan so you can lick the spoon later. Do it when the kids are in bed so you don’t have to share.

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Add the powdered sugar and stir to coat the chex.

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Yes, this is a huge batch. You could probably make half this amount but let’s not kid ourselves and pretend we aren’t going to eat it all. Also, this is a suitable breakfast, it is cereal after all.

Things I fished out of Violet’s mouth today

12 Sep

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Be glad this isn’t a photo post about things I fished out of her diaper.  You’re welcome.

Violet’s No Cry No Sleep Solution

5 Sep

Top 10 ways to stay awake in the middle of the night.

10.  Downward dog, then stick your butt up and wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.
9. Flap your arms.
8. Kick your legs.
7. Hum. Squeal. Hum. Giggle.
6. Blow raspberries.
5. If near to the momma, crawl on the momma and smoosh her face with your face.  Suck on her nose if you’d like.
4. Shake the pacifier, chew on the wrong end, rattle it against side of the crib.
3. Suck on your toes.
2. Pinch the momma or dadda’s lips, nose, cheeks, neck, arms, and chest.
1. Smack, smack, smack the momma or the dadda.

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Here’s me practicing numbers 4, 8, and 9.  Maybe I’ll let the momma sleep tomorrow night.  Haha, I kid, I kid.

Real life

22 May

My favorite people are the ones who are real, blunt, and honest.  It’s hard to be a parent.  The demands of life are crazy.  So to that end, I’m going to be honest about what things look like around here.  It’s a mess all the time.  Some people over exaggerate when they describe their house as messy, so I’ll share some pictures I just took of the norm around here so you can see how messy it is.

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The living room isn't too bad.

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The dining room isn't horrible either.

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The kitchen.

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The dryer appears to have thrown up several baskets of laundry.

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The kids room. It's a fire hazard.

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Our bedroom.

I must explain the laundry protocol.  The clean ones are by the dryer or in a basket in the bedroom.  Dirty ones are lying on the floor everywhere.  If you need clothes, you dig through the pile until you find something.  It will be wrinkly.  You can put it in the dryer with a wet washcloth to get the wrinkles out because the iron hasn’t seen daylight in years. 

Do you feel any better about your house now?  Good!

Real life

22 May

My favorite people are the ones who are real, blunt, and honest.  It’s hard to be a parent.  The demands of life are crazy.  So to that end, I’m going to be honest about what things look like around here.  It’s a mess all the time.  Some people over exaggerate when they describe their house as messy, so I’ll share some pictures I just took of the norm around here so you can see how messy it is.

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The living room isn't too bad.

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The dining room isn't horrible either.

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The kitchen.

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The dryer appears to have thrown up several baskets of laundry.

image

The kids room. It's a fire hazard.

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Our bedroom.

I must explain the laundry protocol.  The clean ones are by the dryer or in a basket in the bedroom.  Dirty ones are lying on the floor everywhere.  If you need clothes, you dig through the pile until you find something.  It will be wrinkly.  You can put it in the dryer with a wet washcloth to get the wrinkles out because the iron hasn’t seen daylight in years. 

Do you feel any better about your house now?  Good!

How to Discipline

17 Apr 006
  1.  Always yell and be sure to lose your temper.  If you aren’t yelling, they aren’t hearing.
  2. Make threats.  “I will throw away everything you own/make you sleep in the garage/you’ll flunk 3rd grade/Santa isn’t coming/we’re canceling our Disney trip we already paid for”.
  3. Spank.  Make sure to leave a hand print or it won’t be effective.
  4. Be inconsistent.
  5. Rub their noses in their potty mistakes, just like you would if you were training a puppy.
  6. Call them names/make fun of them/bully them.
  7. Explain how their consequences are so appropriate with big elaborate words for a half an hour. “When you are grown up, you’ll be so glad that your mom and dad punished you.  You need to develop a sense of self control and the best way to do that is for us to condition you using the extrinsic reward model.  BF Skinner says that operant conditioning is effective in reinforcing positive behaviors. I know you hate time outs, but it is a widely accepted practice and we only expect that you meet the release contingency…”
  8. Be overly dramatic and self centered. ‘You know your behavior is going to be the death of me/You’re always interrupting my General Hospital/You need to eat again?”.
  9. Make sure to never let them out of your sight.  Hover if need be. Don’t let them do anything for themselves, they might do it wrong.
  10. Just tell them no.  That’s what worked for my mother in law. Darned if I never thought to try that.

Happy Birthday Griffin!

10 Apr Griffin

GriffinGriffin turned 9 this weekend!!! Being 9 is difficult. Poor kid vacillates between acting very mature and struggling to control his emotions.  One minute he’s acting so responsible and a few minutes later he is having a temper tantrum about his brother eating chips that are crunchy.  The crunching noise drives Griffin crazy as does Nora eating with her mouth open, and the sound of spoons hitting teeth.  Jeans are the anti-Christ, a torture device invented by some cruel individual. Homework is something to hide/bury/feed to your dog.

On the other hand, I catch him running around and chasing his sister with giggles abounding. He tolerates his siblings hanging out when he has friends over to play.  He can cook ramen noodles and mac and cheese by himself and run the microwave to reheat things.  He likes to rock hunt and go on adventures outside.  Legos are his favorite toy and he builds some amazing creations.

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Happy birthday kiddo!  It doesn’t seem possible that it was 9 years ago that you made your dramatic entry into the world followed by your desire to eat every 15 minutes.  I don’t feel old enough to have a 9 year old!!!

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